In addition to the disability and the limits it imposes, the problem is of getting through to the minds of the able-bodies that SIP are people with the same kind of human desires and impulses. The disabled are people, and people are sexual. Much of our sense of personhood comes from our ability to play a sexual role. The person with disability first obstacle is self de-programming – rejecting the idea that he or she is not a potentially sexual person. The second is effective militancy – doing something about it. The ideal strategy is open discussion with other individuals or couples who share the same problem and counsel each other. In institutions SIP should demand that the matter be talked out. Almost all SIP can be made sexually functional with special counseling and a minimum of physical help. Virtually nobody is too disabled to derive some satisfaction and personal reinforcement from sex.
When a SIP is unable to enjoy sex, the greatest obstacle to enjoyment usually is not the difficulty or impossibility of making particular movements, but the social convention that sex consists of putting the penis in the vagina and that all the rest of the rich range of human sexual responses oral, manual and skin stimulations are abnormal. That is the reason a SIP begin to think of himself as an invalid and distrust on his own personhood makes him suspect other peoples affection as pity. Once you overcome that, try and explore your sexuality. Learn the techniques and procedures for sexual exploration and fulfillment. Sexual expression has to be tailor-made for the individual and one has to try hard to achieve it. This is a challenge same as learning other skills of management of spinal cord injury. But sexual challenge is probably the one best worth accepting as one discovers that one is loving, lovable, interacting human being – a participant rather than an onlooker.
The perception of the sexual act in male comprises of erection, orgasm and ejaculation, and in the females the corresponding responses. This is called Penetrative Sex. In sexuality and disability, we redefined it as Participative Sex.
The best way to put yourself and people at ease is communication. The partner with a disability needs to educate the other person about the ways in which his or her body is different, both the partners need to communicate about what they like, what seems to be working for them and any problems they might be having.
Practical Advice: Empty your bladder and bowel before having sex. Be careful in positioning yourself in a way that avoids too much friction or pressure, Use humor to help you cope unexpected situations, Negative thoughts and worries can prevent an erection from occurring. Avoid thinking of performance anxiety.